Friday, April 11, 2014

hey, hey whuddya say?

Lately, it seems like this is all I can think about...

I just NEEEEEED to go back! We are planning a trip in August, but that just doesn't seem soon enough. How can I make the time go faster?

One of my favorite things to do is ask people their favorite food/place to eat, and their favorite attraction at Disneyland and California Adventure. I'd love to hear from you! Any tips and tricks would be greatly appreciated. Maybe I'll share some of mine!

Only 130 days until we go...baaah that's so far away!

Tuesday, April 1, 2014

Remember, it's a sin to kill a mockingbird

I've started about 5 blog posts in the past little while that haven't come to fruition (obviously). I guess I just don't quite know where to start.

Things are busy, very busy. But...busy is good.

Rich started a new job ( = stress),  and I'm in the middle of the last part of my semester ( = stress), and Ellie turned 1 on March 20 ( = growing kitten). Throw in my parents moving 40 miles with 2 weeks notice, a show (rehearsals + performances), a medication change, a season change, and other obligations, and you can see how things have been a little crazy.

But really, things are going pretty well. I just haven't had much time to sit and do nothing [blog] for a while. So much has been on my mind!

I've started seeing a new therapist, and things are going well. Therapy has always been hard for me; it was always awkward and forced. But this time is different, and I know that I'm going for me...and it has been helping. Honestly, the past few weeks have been very rough. My doctor added a new medication to my current antidepressant to see if he could bring my moods up a little more. I was still having a few days a month of slight depression, and my anxiety is always very high, and he didn't want that to happen. So we added something new, and I was hopeful. But the proverbial shit-hit-the-fan, and it was not a good match. I was far more depressed, anxious, and irritable than before. It's affected every aspect of my life. School, friendships, relationships...I just wasn't doing a good job at any of them (I felt). And that just made things worse.

I will spare you any more details. Just know that it's been very bad. So about 3 days ago, I decided to stop taking it (it's one that's fine to stop cold turkey because it was such a low dose), and I'm hoping things will start to go back up. I would choose to be anxious 100 times rather than to be depressed. I mean, ideally, I wouldn't have to deal with either of them, but if I had to choose...I'd choose the anxiety. So I meet with my doctor tomorrow and I suppose we will figure that out. So just incase you've been wondering why I've been m.i.a for the past little you know.

--Side note: I am beyond blessed with an amazing support systems. To my sweet husband, friends, and family to "get" me and deal with have no idea how much you mean to me.

I also opened a show last week. Mockingbird, directed by Tracy Callahan & written by Julie Jensen, is a show about an 11 year old girl named Caitlin with Asperger's Syndrome. It plays in the Eccles Theatre at Weber State tonight through Saturday at 7:30 with a 2:00 matinee on Saturday. You can purchase tickets at, but get them fast because every night has sold out so far. We have gotten great feed back, and it's been wonderful to work on. I love the creative team behind this. It's a truly moving piece of theatre, and it's so important. If you know anyone on the autism spectrum, or you have friends who do, please think about coming to enjoy performance. My friend Camrey, who plays Caitlin, is absolutely incredible. I am in awe of her performance every single night. And the rest of the cast, too! I am just blessed to work with and be surrounded by so much talent every day. It takes my breath away when I think about it. Anyway, I'd love to see you there!

Mom and Dad moved up to South Ogden, and I love having them so much closer! I wish I had more time to go help them unpack and settle in, but I do go as often as possible. Mom is healing from her surgery very well, and she starts radiation next week. Thank you so much for all your thoughts and prayers! My mom is my hero. She is so strong. They are now living with my Grandpa Winchester and it has been so great for all of them. For the time being, my brother Jason (who is 17) is living with his best friends family in Salt Lake so he can finish his current school year at his school. I wish he was living up here so we could hang out more, but I'm glad that he's happy down there and that we can hang out on weekends. He's pretty much awesome.

Richard is loving his new job, so that's fantastic! He works for LG, and what he does is kind of confusing, but just know that he's great at it and it seems to be a great fit. We have been working out a lot lately and we are seeing progress in our bodies, so that's motivating. I'm proud of how much my husband accomplishes every day and I'm so thankful for how hard he works for us. He's a winner for sure.

Friday, February 21, 2014

maybe we can't be okay, but maybe we're tough, and we'll try anyway

Describing how it feels when you're stuck in the throes of depression is hard.
Honestly, I'm stuck there now. It's hard to get people to understand what it's like to feel this way, and it's scary to let people into your head.
This is probably the most accurate description I could find.

Do you wake up every morning and need help to lift your head?
Do you read obituaries and feel jealous of the dead?
It's like living on a cliff side, not knowing when you'll dive.
Do you know, do you know what it's like to die alive?

When the world that once had color fades to white and gray and black.
When tomorrow terrifies you, but you'll die if you look back.

The sensation that you're screaming, but you never make a sound.
Or the feeling that you're falling, but you never hit the ground.
It just keeps on rushing at you day by day by day by day,
You don't know, you don't know what it's like to live that way.

Like a refugee, a fugitive, forever on the run
If it gets me it will kill me, but I don't know what I've done

*Lyrics from Kitt and Yorkey's Next to Normal*

Saturday, December 21, 2013

Disney Holiday-Who-be-whatee

Many of you won't care about this, but I sure do!

Last week, Rich and I got to go to our favorite place on the entire planet


You guys, I was so excited for this. When we decided we were going to go on this trip (back in like September) I made a countdown chain and I just couldn't wait. We left immediately after my last final ended last Thursday, the 12...2 days after my darling husbands birthday!

There is no better place to spend your birthday. We had an absolute blast. We only planned on spending 3 days in the parks, but we ended up spending 4 and then we spent one day at the beach. It was all HEAVEN! So here are about a million pictures of our trip so that my mom can see, and so we can remember it forever. (And of course they uploaded in a wonky order, so just know they aren't chronological).

We had breakfast at PCH Grill for Richard's birthday!

I love Olaf!

Mickey and the Magical Map was so adorable

I .... I just can't.

Of course we had to get beingets while watching Fantasmic (just for you, Hilary!)

Conquered a GIANT fear of mine and went on the ferris wheel. But only in a stationary car, not in the swinging one like the rest of the crazies.  

I'm pretty obsessed with my new ears

And Richie loves his new Grumpy hat

Dime asked Rich to come up and dance with her! It was adorable! And not long after, 5 asked me to come up and join the whole crew!

One of my new favorite attractions, for sure. The Storybook Land Canals!

Sorry about the boob shot.

Of course, Rich had to get a turkey leg. (I obviously had like 7 during our trip. Love me all that meat!)

We got SOAKED. It was semi awful, really.

I always love It's a Small World, but I loved it even more during the holidays

This was our second dole whip of the trip. I'd like you all to notice what we are wearing in these the middle of December! It was 81 degrees one day. Coming back home to an ice storm was kind of awful.

My favorite!

Snowing on Main Street USA
It was so incredible. We had the most fun, and I'm so thankful for my sweet husband for making it all possible. He has been working so much overtime because he knew how important this trip was for me...and for him, too. We spoiled ourselves rotten and I'm sure I've gained 10 wonderful pounds.

We love Disneyland!!!