Sunday, July 13, 2014

The Black List

Depression hurts...

Depakote
Celexa
Lexapro
Prozac
Cymbalta
Effexor
Wellbutrin
BuSpar
Pristiq

can help.

Thursday, June 26, 2014

In a {Jessie Clark} Funk

I'm in a slump. A funk. A poopy place. Life seems to be all over the place lately. One hour I'm up, the next I'm in the pits. And guys - it's realz annoying.

I had a[nother] medication change a few weeks ago. Things were super awesome at first and I was like "Yay! This is totes gonna work and I'm gonna be healed!" but then a couple of weeks later the meds were like "So you think this is perfect, huh? Well I'm gonna make it so you can't poop ever! And then in a couple more weeks I'll make it so the depression and anxiety come right back again!" 

So that's cool. But it's not. I'm just trying to ride it out because I don't want to have to do another medication change. And, to be quite frank, I've tried pretty much everything there is to try and I'm nervous that...I dunno, maybe the doctor will be like, "You've tried everything, sorry. You're a lost cause. Good luck and don't let the door hit ya on the way out". (I'm super into fake quotations today).

But really it's just getting bad. I've had a couple of days that I've been so awful that I had to call in sick to work (and I LOVE where I work), and there have been days where staying in bed is more appealing than anything in the whole world. It's just a shitty place to be. But who knows - in an hour I'll probably be super happy and thrilled with my life. (But I still won't be able to do a #2...that's a guarantee). And I have 2 weeks until my next appointment. Oy vey. (I told Rich that if I die from being this backed up, he isn't allowed to tell people that I died from literally being full of shit...sorry for all the swearing, mom).

I mentioned work. I started serving at a restaurant a couple months ago and I really like it. I mean, I definitely have to work for my money (the $2.13 an hour doesn't quite pay the bills), but the management and my co-workers are wonderful and I'm totally obsessed with the food. When I first started working there, I got to serve {Utah celebrity} Jessie Clark Funk. She's an LDS singer, and my mom is absolutely in love with her. So of course I got start struck, and of course my boss came out - while I was there - to tell her what a lovely voice I have and that I was thrilled to be meeting her...and I was so embarrassed. I don't really get embarrassed....but I was embarrassed. Anyway...she was super sweet and asked me tons of questions about myself and what I wanted to do with my future, and she even gave me her autograph with a little note that said, "GO TO NYC!". So, guys, JCF wants me to move there when I graduate, and I wouldn't want to disappoint her.
Took this pic for Rich, hence the "I love you," but here's me and my messy bathroom in my work clothes

A bit of exciting news: this upcoming November I have the opportunity to play the role of Vivian Bearing in the play Wit by Margaret Edson at Weber State. I'm thrilled, excited, humbled, terrified, grateful, and so many other emotions all rolled into one. The character I play is a cancer patient in her last few hours of life. Hits close to home, no? It's going to be so emotional and, I'm sure, overwhelming at times, but I am so excited. So, yes, I will be shaving my head. It's just hair...it grows back. When most/everyone hears this they always ask, "Can't you just wear a bald cap?" ...No! First of all, that would be so insulting to anyone who has ever lost their hair during any kind of cancer treatment, and second, how could I ever hope to connect to a character that I wasn't willing to fully invest myself in? Anyway...I digress. So, yes, I will be shaving my head. And my mom is sad about it, but only because she knows how hard it can be to have no hair, and that it's emotional. I know I'll cry. But I already chopped my hair off! I decided that it will probably be easier if I go in stages. So here is stage one!
"At least you can wear halters. I have man shoulders..."


I really love it! At first I was totally freaked out, but now it already feels kind of long. The only downside so far is that if I'm having a bad hair day there's really no way to hide it...I'm not really a hat kinda person.

There's another bit of ... ehem ... shocking news that comes with my role in Wit. There may be a scene where you'll see me ... au naturale ... if you catch my drift. That's the part that freaks people out even more. Yes, there is a small nude scene. And it's incredibly beautiful and spiritual and lovely, and I truly hope that that doesn't turn any of you away. But here's the point I'm getting to: an entire audience of people is going to see A L L of me...and I can't seem to get my butt to the gym. Guys, it's a real problem. No, I don't feel like I'm a whale, but I absolutely should be working out and I can't find the motivation ANYWHERE. I'm being completely serious when I ask for help from all of you. Tips, secrets, motivations, accountability...please help a sister out. I'm desperate and I'm getting to crunch time and I just NEED YOUR HELP, OKAY?! (Not yelling at you...just hyperventilating).

Doesn't that look so much better than healthy food?! PS...started eating meat again. I regret nothing.


Monday, April 21, 2014

Spring Semester 2014

I now offer you a glimpse of my life for the past 4 months*!
*a giant picture dump

Here are some of the gems that Spring Semester of 2014 have brought into my life:
Our newest little niece came home from the hospital!

Associated Actors & Technicians (AAT) Opening Social!

Bestie Tanner & I love our sweaters

I styled many wigs

Besties Tay and and Seanie got married, and we got to watch it on TV!

I fell even more in love with this crazy dude

I still swoon over my man in uniform

The Bus ride to LA was soothed with some cheetos puffs

We shared the front seat because we're besties (and we get car sick)

Also shared the bus with Professor Quirrel!

Our hotel was glam

Starbucks everyday with Kaylee is what I want for the rest of my life

Loved taking a vacay with such dear friends

Austin and I loved some late night LA grilled cheese

Statler and Waldorf were at it again. This time for the remount of "The Plain Princess" for KCACTF

We met up with Tay's new sissy-in-law

LA taught us what fashion is 
I was so sad to be away from hubs during Valentine's, but then these beaut's showed up in my room!

Spent a lot of time with these love birds

Pretended I was married to Tan

Found the worlds coolest bookstore

Lucy finally likes Richard

Fire alarm at school that kept us locked out in the cold for 2 hours

Flo turned 21, and good times were had

"I'm a big girl. I can tie my own sandals and everything."

Crew for "Picnic at Hanging Rock" was a blast

On-site filming for "Mockingbird" was so cool!

He is hot.

"Picnic..." wardrobe/hair & makeup crew

Spent looooots of time at the gym

Found this gem, circa 1992

I made this 

Ruby braided my hair for the first time

Mom found this. She's stunning!

Ellie turned one, and decided she aspires to be a parrot

"Mockingbird" came and went too fast. I love these people and that experience more than words. 
Camrey became a giant star

Amelia + Shawnee = BFFLAE. Don't know what I'd do without this lady.

I HELD A SNAKE!

Mom and Dad moved, and they love their new place. And mom's hair is growing in so cute!

I sang at an event, and this wonderful man came to support me

I had the privilege of singing with these amazing talents all in the name of love

Mom and Jason also came to support, and it meant the world

I received a very, very generous scholarship, and was too shocked and overwhelmed for words

The director of my program at Weber, Jim. Tracy slipped out before I could get a picture with her! 

John is retiring, and we are all so sad. We will miss him!

We love our Knuth-Bishops so much!
Pictured above: Shawnee and her 3 husbands

My best friend sang, and even the angels were jealous

Best Friends


Easter egg hunt with my faves
It's been a busy, but amazing few months. Finals week is just beginning, and summer semester will be starting before I know it. I'm so grateful for the experiences I've been able to have, and the lessons that have been learned. I'm so blessed to be where I am, surrounded by the most wonderful and inspiring people every single day.

Life is a roller coaster, but I love a good adventure.